i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
