If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
