i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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