Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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