just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
