And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
