I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
