my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
