goodnight i made you a song goodbye
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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