you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
