Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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