so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
