I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
