he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
