one two three fourrrrnication!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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