I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
