lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
