you would pick up someone in the library
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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