I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
