Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
