I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
