I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
