Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
