Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
