If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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