dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
