Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
