turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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