Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
