I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
