You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
