Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
