she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
