I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
