So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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