well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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