You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
