u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
