We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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