Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
