im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize