My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
