what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
