the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
