i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
