Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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