Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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