Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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