it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize