Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
