Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
