dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
