I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
