I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
