I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
