I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
