you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
