Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
