I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
