even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
