Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
