Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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