If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
