Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
