dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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