we're blogging at a bar
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
