I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
