Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
